Shame Education 101

*Because we are students and not experts in the study of shame, much of the following information has been taken from dedicated researchers who are and you will find links to their work throughout the text as well as a full reference at the end of this post. *

First things first, understanding shame is essential. 

As you have read, we as the authors of the this blog are graduate Social Work students enrolled in a course focused on issues of shame.  As we become more familiar with this topic we are made aware that issues of shame are often discussed in practice without ever using the word.  Further, as many times as speaking the word shame is avoided, people often discuss concepts of shame and guilt without differentiation and often use the words synonymously.  As our knowledge in this area grows, we begin to understand the importance of understanding shame as it impacts the lives of our clients and our work with them.  

Defining and Differentiating Shame

Using the correct language is an essential component to recognizing and working with issues of shame in an effort to work toward shame resilience.  As practitioners, we must first fully understand the language surrounding shame and second provide our clients with the appropriate language for understanding and discussing their experiences.  One problem that we often run across involves misusing related terms such as guilt and shame.  While these concepts may be related in some ways, it is essential to understand the important differences. 

Shame is different than guilt in the directionality of the associated feelings as described by researchers June Price Tangney and Ronda L. Dearing (2002).  According to their book, Shame and Guilt, feelings of guilt are often less painful as the individuals primary concern is with a specific behavior.  Guilt involves negative feelings regarding the "bad thing" done and are separated from the self or a persons self-concept.  However, feelings of shame are directly correlated with a persons feelings about themselves as a result of an experience, event, or "bad" behavior.  

Dr. Brene Brown (2007, http://www.brenebrown.com/brens-book/) defines shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.  This definition of shame gives light to the impact that feelings of shame have on an individual perception of themselves in the context of the world around them. 

Self (Shame) Awareness

No person is fortunate enough to avoid feelings of shame and therefore, we all must learn to understand and deal with it, especially as helping professionals.  We have chosen to focus this space on Veterans and the issues of shame that effect their lives and we are increasingly aware of just how significant these issues are.  However, before we can understand their feelings of shame, we must understand our own.  As Social Workers, we are always on the pursuit of an increasing sense of self-awareness.  As my knowledge and understanding of shame and shame resilience grows, I am made aware of the importance of increasing my self-shame-awareness. Without awareness of our own issues, we may find it difficult to provide the best care that we can to clients experiencing issues of shame.   

Shame Categories

Feelings of shame are not "triggered" by universal experiences or events.  It would not be possible to create a list of experiences or events that would cause shame in all or most people. Instead, shame is very individualized.  We each experience shame as a result of our reactions to very personal and unique life experiences and events.  Years of research has allowed Dr. Brene Brown (2007, http://www.brenebrown.com/brens-book/) to compile varying shame "triggers" into related categories including:   

• Appearance & Body Image
• Mental and Physical Health
• Sexuality
• Family
• Motherhood & Fatherhood
• Parenting
• Professional Identity & Work
• Aging
• Religion
• Stereotypes & Labels
• Speaking Out
• Surviving Trauma

Shame is often experienced in relation to the categories listed above.  Take a moment to think about these categories as they might relate to all age groups of veterans.  

Shame Resilience

So we understand shame...but what do we do with it?  

According the Dr. Brene Brown (2007, http://www.brenebrown.com/brens-book/), while we cannot avoid shame all together, we are capable of developing resilience to shame.  In a quote from Brene Brown's book, I Thought it Was Just Me (but it isin't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power, she describes resilience as: 

"...that ability to recognize shame when we experience it, and move through it in a constructive way that allows us to maintain our authenticity and grow from our experiences.  And in this process of consciously moving through our shame, we can build stronger and more meaningful connections with the people in our lives." 

According to Brown, shame resilience has four components: 

1. Name and Understand Shame

2. Develop the Awareness we need to Recognize When We Are Experiencing Shame and    Why

3. Move Through Our Shame Constructively and Authentically

4. Find Courage, Compassion, and Connection in Our Experience 

Concepts of empathy, courage, compassion, vulnerability, and connectedness are essential to the development of shame resilience. 

References:

Brown, B.  (2007)  I thought it was just me (but it isin't): Telling the truth about perfectionism, inadequacy, and power.  NY: Gotham Books. 

http://www.brenebrown.com/brens-book/

Tangney, J. P. & Dearing, R. L. (2002) Shame and Guilt.  NY: The Guilford Press.